PSL, Dodgeball, and the Biology of Rejection.
It’s mid-August—PSL season if you’re me—and kids are back in school. There’s that familiar back-to-school buzz: new backpacks, sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks. Everything feels shiny and full of possibility.
But with that memory comes another one: gym class. And not the fun parts—no, I mean dodgeball.
There I am, standing on the gym floor, heart pounding, palms sweaty, silently praying someone—anyone—will pick me for their team. Spoiler: they didn’t. I couldn’t throw a ball to save my life. Still can’t.
That cocktail of dread, nausea, and racing heartbeat? That was rejection. And here’s the uncomfortable truth: that exact same cocktail shows up every time you sit down to generate leads.
The phone in your hand might as well be a dodgeball.
Fear of rejection in real estate lead generation isn’t about laziness or lack of discipline—it’s biology. When you pick up the phone, your brain triggers a stress response: racing heart, sweaty palms, tight throat. Learning how to reset your nervous system is the key to prospecting without panic.
Why Real Estate Lead Gen Feels Like Gym Class
Most real estate agents think their struggle with prospecting is about scripts, willpower, strategy or time management. It isn’t. It’s about biology.
Here’s what actually happens when you even anticipate rejection:
Your amygdala flips on. This is your brain’s threat detector. It doesn’t know the difference between “my client hung up” and “my tribe just left me for dead.”
Adrenaline floods your system. Your heart pounds, your palms sweat, your jaw tightens. You’re ready for fight or flight.
Cortisol joins the party. This stress hormone makes you hyper-focus on worst-case scenarios: “What if they yell at me? What if they hang up? What if I sound stupid?”
Your prefrontal cortex goes offline. That’s the logical, persuasive part of your brain. Which explains why you can rehearse your real estate script flawlessly—until you pick up the phone and suddenly forget your own name - or your prospects name, as in my case…
This isn’t weakness. This is wiring.
Thousands of years ago, rejection meant exile. And exile meant death. So your nervous system evolved to sound the alarm anytime you faced the possibility of social disconnection. Today, it’s not about your tribe leaving you—it’s about a stranger saying, “I’m not interested.” But your brain hasn’t gotten the memo.
Why Scripts and “Push Through” Don’t Work
This is why the usual advice—just practice your scripts, just push through, just hustle harder—doesn’t stick.
If your nervous system is convinced you’re in danger, no amount of clever objection handlers will work. You can’t out-think biology. You have to work with it.
This is where most coaching misses the mark. They hand you strategies, but they ignore the science. And then you wonder why you still freeze when it’s time to prospect, connect with SOI, talk to someone at an open house, or make an ask of any kind. In your mind’s eye, the stakes are high… crazy high. Life or death, actually.
Normalizing the Crazy Body-Feel
Here’s the truth: that racing heart, sweaty palm, tight-throat thing? Everyone feels it. Every. Single. One. Even the agents closing $20 million a year. Me too.
The difference isn’t that they don’t feel fear—it’s that they’ve learned not to interpret those sensations as stop signs.
Rejection doesn’t mean you’re bad at real estate. Fear doesn’t mean you’re lazy. Those sensations are simply your nervous system doing what it’s wired to do.
And here’s the kicker: the goal isn’t to erase the fear. The goal is to practice moving through it.
The Role of Practice Before the Call
Think of it like athletes. They don’t walk into game day cold. They warm up, rehearse, and train so their body knows what to do under pressure.
Prospecting is the same. If you only try to calm yourself down right before a call, you’re asking your nervous system to shift instantly while it’s already triggered. That’s like showing up to a marathon without training.
The trick is practice. Rehearse regulating your nervous system outside the pressure moments, so when it’s time to dial, your body already knows the routine.
The 90-Second Reset
Here’s a simple reset you can practice daily and use right before picking up the phone:
Pick up your phone and pretend you’re calling that high-stakes prospect - you know the one who lives down the street by herself in a house that’s way to big and you’ve been wanting to reach out because it smells like an opportunity.
Feel it – Close your eyes. Scan your body. Where’s the fear? Knot in your stomach? Tight jaw? Racing heart? Name it: This is fear. (Naming reduces the amygdala’s grip.)
Move it – Shake out your arms, shoulders, and legs for 10 seconds. Imagine literally shaking rejection out of your body. (It looks silly. Good. That’s your pattern interrupt.)
Breathe through it – Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Three slow rounds. Each exhale tells your nervous system: I’m safe.
Reframe it – Say: This is biology, not destiny. It’s not a stop sign—it’s a green light.
It’s simple, but it works because it addresses what’s really happening: your nervous system, not your strategy. Of course, just like an athlete shaving off another millisecond, you have to practice this - relentlessly!
Why This Matters for Real Estate Agents
This is why so many agents just like you get stuck in procrastination cycles. It’s not that you’re lazy. It’s not that you “hate lead gen.” It’s that your biology is running the show.
It’s why so many managing brokers wring their hands to the heavens and scream: “They know what to do. Now why aren’t they doing it??”
Because biology always wins—unless you train it differently.
With consistent practice, your nervous system learns: “This isn’t exile. This isn’t danger. I can handle this.” That’s when prospecting stops feeling like punishment and starts feeling doable. Pleasant? Maybe never. Your system is too smart for that.
But remember that prefrontal cortex—that persuasive, logical part of your brain? That’s the part that comes back online once you reset your body. That’s the part that knows how to connect, how to listen, how to influence. And that’s the part you actually want running the call.
So no, you may never love rejection. But you can train your biology so it stops hijacking you. You can feel the alarms, reset, and let your best self—the one with words, confidence, and clarity—pick up the phone.
That’s not just survival. That’s business.
Liked this? Ready to put it into practice?
I’m hosting a brand-new interactive ON-Line Back-to-Work Workshop on Sept 15th (time TBD) where we’ll go deeper into this exact topic—why biology always wins, why scripts won’t save you, and the practice you need to develop to make the call, connection, etc.
If you’re one of my United Real Estate agents, your appointment link is in your email—come talk to me directly. And yes, you’re absolutely welcome to join the workshop too.
👉 Click here to save your spot in the Back-to-Work Workshop
Spots are very limited to keep it interactive. (Yes, you awesome rockstar - I want to talk to you!)
